Resting in Him

The last several weeks have been very stressful for me.  My job has been extremely stressful with some changes going on and just being busy in general at work.  I am also constantly having mommy guilt for working so much but I enjoy my job but I just fill like I am never doing anything well enough for anyone.  I feel like I fail as a wife, a mom, daughter, sister, friend and the list goes on.  I try my hardest to do everything for everybody and never feel like I do enough.  My anxiety level has been so high I have had a panic attack and two sinus infections in the last couple of weeks.  My chest is so tight all the time I feel like I am going to pop.

Well this morning I did pop.  I went through our morning hustle and bustle.  Missed the bus AGAIN and dropped off both the kids at their schools and then I broke down in my van.  I prayed to God and asked for strength and peace.  I couldn't handle it anymore.  Then I felt God tell me that I don't need to handle all these things.  He wants to handle it for me.  I can't handle everything but if I hand all my stress over to Him, He will equip me to do what needs to be done but most importantly what He wants me to do.  I prayed from M's school all the way to work and when I got to work I read a devotion in my devotion book.  It was about resting in Jesus.  Sometimes we think our problems are insignificant to God but He wants to know everything and He wants to be able to take care of us.  A comment that really hit me hard in my devotion was "If it concerns us, then it's important to Him".  We just have to let go and let Him take over.  I am a major control freak so sometimes I try to hold on to things but this morning in my van I realized that I can't but God can.  After my time with God this morning,  my chest wasn't tight anymore and I realized what I needed all along was what I already had.  JESUS. I want Him to mold me and make me into the mom, wife, daughter,sister and friend He wants me to be.  I just have to depend on Him and not on Me.